F U

Drill Sergeants like to mess with soldiers. I think they partly do it out of boredom. I mean, they spend more time with us than their own families.

One day the Drills started messing with this 1st platoon Private who was unfortunately named “Fu”. Fu was a quiet Asian American kid with coke bottle glasses who kept his head down and went unnoticed for  the first few months of Basic Training.

Well on this day he was on the menu. One of 1st platoon’s Drill Sergeant called Fu over to him. When called upon, you are expected to jump to your feet, run to the Drill Sergeant, stop and stand at the position of Parade Rest. Then you yell, “Drill Sargeant, Private so and so reporting as ordered, Drill Sergeant!”

So Fu comes running across the drill pad, stops in front of the Drill Sergeant, and yells “Drill Sergeant! Private Fu reporting as ordered, Drill Sergeant!”

The Drill Sergeant then called over another Drill Sergeant. “Hey Drill Sergeant Jones. Ask this Private to spell his last name.” So the other Drill Sergeant said, “Private. Spell your last name for me.”

“Drill Sergeant, ‘F’ ‘U’, Drill Sergeant!” yelled poor Fu. 1st platoon’s Drill Sergeant started laughing while the other Drill Sergeant’s eyes grew bold. “WHAT THE FUCK PRIVATE!!! GET DOWN AND SMOKE YOURSELF!!”

Fu dropped down to the ground and started doing push ups. The Drill Sergeant let him stand after about 20 push ups. Then he called another Drill Sergeant over. “Hey Drill, ask this Private to spell his last name for you.”

As you can imagine this continued for another three Drill Sergeants or so. Needless to say, Fu got very strong that summer.